Rules to Live By

One of the books that had a big influence on me as a young adult is Sheldon Kopp's  If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him!

Sheldon Kopp was a psychotherapist and he wrote 17 books - most of them with interesting titles like:

• ''Even a Stone Can Be a Teacher'' (1985)
• ''Blues Ain't Nothing but a Good Soul Feeling Bad: Daily Steps to Spiritual Growth'' (1992) 
• 'The Naked Therapist'' (1976) 
•  ''An End to Innocence'' (1978)
• "Raise Your Right Hand in Fear: Extend the Other in Compassion." (1988) and
• "Who am I Really?" (1987)

He died on his 70th birthday from cardiac arrest.  

If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him! has, at the very end, an Eschatological Laundry List of 42 Rules to live by.


When I first read the book I loved the list as much as I loved the book.  Up until then I had always looked to grow spiritually by investigating different religions and trying out various practices - none of which fit particularly well.  After reading the book, I realized that I did not have to try and fit into a system, it was enough to just go skipping through the world, making up my own mind, and developing my own beliefs and traditions - I was in charge of deciding what meaning to make of the world and my life.


I did not realize it, but I made a kind of Buddha out of the 42 rules that Sheldon Kopp wrote down in his list.  That was then - when I was much younger.  In the meantime I have gained some experience, and as an exercise, I would like to look at the list again now (almost 20 years after I first read it) and see what I still agree with.


So here it is, with my comments in purple:

An Eschatological Laundry List
A Partial Register of the 927 ( or was it 928 ?) Eternal Truths

1. This is it!  Sure, if we agree that "it" also encompasses everything we can not see and do not know about.
2. There are no hidden meanings. Of course there can be hidden meanings.  Just because something is hidden from you, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.  For example, if a friend does not return your call, there could be several hidden meanings for that action.
3. You can't get there from here, and besides there's no place else to go. True, I suppose, if you take yourself as the center of the universe.
4. We are all already dying, and we will be dead for a long time. Or, how about we are all alive and will be alive forever in some form or another.  If you remember 7th grade physics; energy can not be created or destroyed.
5. Nothing lasts. Yeah, things change.
6. There is no way of getting all you want.  Unless you want very little.
7. You can't have anything unless you let go of it. I do actually agree with this - to truly have something, you must let go of your fear of losing it.  If you don't, your fear will prevent you from really having it fully.
8. You only get to keep what you give away.  I like this one.  Many people say they want love, not realizing that love is something that you GIVE TO OTHERS and therefore it is completely in your control whether you have love in your life or not.  If you give love, you are rewarded by experiencing the feeling of love.
9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.  Yes, life is not always fair but if you believe, as I do, that spirit guides us, then certain things come across our way as tests,  challenges,  rewards, or  wishes fulfilled.  
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune.  This is sadly true.  Many good people suffer just because they had the misfortune to be born in a certain place at a certain time.
11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless. Yes.
12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.  I think the universe is anything but random.  It is beautiful, intricate, mind-bogglingly complex like fractals.
13. You don't really control anything. You control very little as it turns out.
14. You can't make anyone love you. Yes.
15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.  Hmmmm... tricky one.  Some people certainly seem stronger and weaker than others, in the same way that some are genetically predisposed to feel more pain for example.
16. Everyone is, in his own way, vulnerable.  Yes.
17. There are no great men. I think there are some great people - those who try their best to be decent, loving, fair, and kind, are all great in my opinion.
18. If you have a hero, look again; you have diminished yourself in some way. Not necessarily - you might have a hero as someone to model what you want to master.  That is only a problem if you think of yourself as less than your hero.
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends (yes, you too, and most certainly I myself). Yeah, can't really argue with that one.
20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation. A nice optimistic new-agey point of view.
21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it. Sure... we can learn from what we would prefer to look away from.
22. Progress is an illusion. It certainly seems that way sometimes, but I would argue strongly that the flush toilet as progress is NOT an illusion.
23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems. It seems like that is how life works.
24. Yet it is necessary to keep on struggling toward solution.  The journey, the journey, it's all about the challenge and beauty and hardship of the journey.
25. Childhood is a nightmare. For a lot of people that is true, but not for everyone.
26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up. Yes, it is quite hard but probably easier for some.
27. Each of us is ultimately alone.  Gah! I hate this one but I know it's true.
28. The most important things, each man must do for himself. Or woman.  And I suppose that is true.
29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.  I guess.
30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that's all there is.  I thought we were all ultimately alone?
31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it. Yes, we humans are a strange bunch.  We want so very much to be happy and to be loved and we organize our lives according to those principles and sometimes it works out and we get that.
32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power and partial knowledge.  So, very true.  The partial knowledge one drives me batty.  I have reconciled myself to the other two.
33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data. Yep.
34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do. Yep... pretty much we are.
35. No excuses will be accepted. By whom?  
36. You can run, but you can't hide. You can't really, whatever you are running from will run with inside you until you have faced it and worked it out.
37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.  Definitely.
38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness. Can someone explain how helplessness is empowering because I just don't get it.
39. The only victory, lies in surrender to oneself. I like this.
40. All of the significant battles are waged within the self. Mine sure are.
41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.This is my favorite "rule" on the list.
42. What do you know ... for sure ... anyway? Not much.
43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again.  My second favorite rule on the list.

By Sheldon B. Kopp, Ph.D. 

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